Front Burner

Honestly, there isn’t much I can say about Jogging in a Jug, except that it isn’t a joke. It happens to be quite real. I found it while walking down the drinks aisle of the Mountain Brook Western supermarket.

I forget what I was looking for at the time, but the title, the 70s-inspired graphics, and the monstrous health disclaimer (lawsuit, anyone?) stopped me dead in my tracks: “There is no scientific evidence that Jogging in a Jug provides any health benefits.”

Good job smoking them out FDA, we can all rest easy now.

It’s nice to see the government get involved when companies claim their product “cures or alleviates heart disease, arthritis, lethargy, dysentery, constipation, swelling of the legs, and muscle spasms; substantially lowers serum cholesterol and triglycerides; improves the condition of the circulatory system; cleans internal organs; prevents or reduces the risk of cancer, leukemia, heart disease, and arthritis; provides the same health benefits as a jogging regimen; stabilizes blood sugar levels in insulin-dependent diabetics; … and aids in recovery from viral diseases.”

(Oh, and we tried it. If you like chilled apple cider vinegar, you should give it a go. Otherwise, stick to prune juice or, you know, actually jogging.)

Photos by Rex Perry.